So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
