I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
