found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
