i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
