yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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