hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
40s are totally the cure
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
