Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
