I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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