I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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