Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
