Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
