Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
