Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In other news, I just burned my penis
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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