you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
