Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
