O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
