I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
