Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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