There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
