You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
