i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
