What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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