The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
