ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
