the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
