do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
