I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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