Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
