can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
