If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
