Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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