I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
