mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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