then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
