My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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