I wish my penis had an off switch
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
