You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
