I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
