i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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