Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize