Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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