I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
