He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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