Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
