i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
