i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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