How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
