Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize