now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
