Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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