It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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