my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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