Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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