Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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