Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
