Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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