Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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