I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
