i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
