I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
