I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize