"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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