so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
