he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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