it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
