I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
