Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dignity is for republicans.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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