I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
