I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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