Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
