Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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