her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
