Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
