I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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