I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
