Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
