god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
