I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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