dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
