Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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