I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
