i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
