even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
