Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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