She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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