I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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