I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize